Tainted
by AmberCanFlyy
Summary: As she watched helplessly, her world slowly abandoned her.
1. Prologue: Erased

_**Tainted**_

**Summary**: As she watched helplessly, her world slowly began to abandon her.

**Rating**: M

**Shippings: **S/J, a little S/D, some S/O and maybe more in due time. We'll see.

**Warnings**: Reference to rape and drug use.

**Help!**: Fanfiction erased all my indentations and put jumps where I pressed enter. Does anyone know how to fix that? Please? Thank you...

**Author's note**: This is not beta'd so any error is mine. Stargate SG-1 does not, or rather, did not belong to me. If it did, there would've been a lot more Sam-whumping. Also, none of the songs or quotes that I use belong to me. They belong to the owner of whom will be named, unless unknown.

* * *

**_Prologue: Erased_**

___Don't be shocked that people die,_

_Be surprised you're still alive._

_~Cassie by Flyleaf_

She didn't know how or when it happened. She remembered walking home, because her car had broken down outside of the crowded bar she had been at, and then the rest of the night was completely gone from her memory. She had entered her house as normal, setting down her keys and purse on the table before going into the kitchen to get a drink of water. She had turned on the tap for water and….

….now she was lying in an alley, barely wearing clothes and feeling like someone had punched her hard in the gut. Her head screamed in pain and her veins were on fire. She felt anxious. She needed something…something…she didn't know what.

She stood up and almost fell over. Grabbing the brick wall behind her and leaning on it for support, she grasped her stomach. She vomited and then sat down again, drawing her legs up to he chest and laying her head on her arms. Samantha Carter did not cry often, but now she began to weep.


	2. Chapter1:Emergency

**Chapter One: Emergency**

_And I've seen you cry way too many times when you deserved to be alive…  
~Emergency by Paramore_

Jack knew something was wrong the moment he pulled up to Carter's house. She hadn't shown up for work that day and they had been scheduled for an off-world mission to negotiate with the friendly people of P4X-something or another. He could have cared less; he was bored just thinking about it.

The lights in her house were off but the front door was wide open. Jack got out of his truck and sprinted up the sidewalk to her house. He slowly climbed up the stairs, wishing he had been smart enough to bring some sort of weapon. He called out her name and very slowly widened the front door. He instantly froze.

The table had been knocked to the ground and the vase broken. Carter's purse was on the ground and the contents were strewn all over the floor. Her keys were across the hall and there was blood on the wall.

Jack walked into the kitchen and regretted it. It reeked of sour milk and rotten food. The refrigerator was open and the little food that it contained was thrown across the floor. Milk was splattered in a puddle on the floor and the water faucet was running; Jack strode over and turned it off. Dishes and glasses were taken from the cabinets and broken. Jack sighed and muttered, "Carter, I think you may need to think about redecorating."

He stalked out of the kitchen and searched the rest of the house, finding nothing but destroyed and empty rooms. He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and dialed.

"Daniel Jackson," the voice on the receiving in said.

"Daniel, grab Teal'c and get your ass over to Carter's."

"Jack, what's wrong?" Daniel heard the worry in Jack's voice. Since Sam hadn't shown up for work today, Daniel knew something bad must have happened.

"Just get over here as fast as you can," and Jack shut the phone and put it back in his pocket.

He walked over to Carter's couch and sat. He sighed and put his head in his hand and rubbed his face. "Carter," he mumbled. "What did you get yourself into this time?"

Daniel and Teal'c pulled up to the house and instantly knew something was wrong.

They walked to the door and entered cautiously. "Jack?" Daniel called.

"In here," Jack called from the living room. They followed his voice, tip-toeing as well as they could around the junk on the floor.

"Jack?" They stood in the doorway and watched as Jack stood up from his seat on the couch.

"Carter's missing and by the look of things around here, I'm guessing she didn't go willingly."

"O'Neill, I believe the best course of action would be to tell General Hammond of Major Carter's disappearance." Teal'c stated.

"Yeah Teal'c, we're getting there."

"But who would've taken her?"

"I don't know Daniel, but I intend to hurt the son of a bitch who did," Jack said, anger appearing on his face.

"Jack, you can't just….."

"Sure I can Daniel, and if something has happened to her, beating the guy that did this to her is the last of his worries." Jack angrily spat, marching out of the room and into his truck, pulling out his phone as he did.

"I'm worried, Teal'c. I want to hurt the man, or woman, that did this to Sam as much as Jack but anger isn't going to help…."

"I agree, Daniel Jackson. But I believe O'Neill's anger is rightly so. Anyone would be angered when a loved one is taken."

"Yeah, well, Sam is more than a loved one to Jack. She's his world."

00000-*****-00000

"Ma'am? Ma'am, are you okay?" A man put a hand on Sam's shoulder and she jumped. She looked up and thought about that. Was she okay? No, she wasn't. There was no use lying to this man since he could clearly see the truth.

"No," Sam replied. The man had shoulder-length black hair and blue eyes that seemed to stare into her, searching her. She guessed he was about six feet two inches and even though she couldn't guess his weight, he was slim. He wore a black leather jacket and a gray v-neck t-shirt. His pants were black and she could tell he had a tattoo across his chest but couldn't make out the words. His right earlobe was pierced along with a tiny earring in his nose. Sam usually didn't fall for guys like this. She didn't care; this man was attractive.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her up, causing more pain through her body. She gasped and nearly fell over but he caught her.

"Hey, hey, steady there. I've got you." He picked swept her off her feet, causing more pain, but she didn't utter a sound- the pain was too intense.

"You got somewhere to go?" He asked.

Sam just groaned and slowly shook her head 'no'.

"Well, until you're feeling better, I think you should go to the hospital."

That instantly got her attention. "No!" She yelled. He jumped a little, nearly dropping her. "Sorry. Just please, no doctors. No hospital. I'll be fine." Her blood was unique because of the protein marker left behind my Jolinar. What if they noticed that?

"Would you like to come to my house then, until you can get a hold of someone to come and get you? I don't live too far from here, but I rode my motorcycle. So if you're up to it, we can ride back on that."

"Sure, that'd be nice." Sam forced a smile. She felt awkward being held in this stranger's arms. She didn't know his name and she was going to his house. She was practically naked, wearing nothing but a bra, underwear, and heels, and he was holding her in his arms. But still, he was warm and she had no other choice. She had no recollection of what happened last night, but she knew it couldn't be good.

He set her on the back of his bike and made sure she could hang on to him without falling off. Sam didn't think she could do it, but she had to try. "I'm ready," she told him.

He gunned the engine and the motorcycle reared to life. He started off slow but gradually got faster and despite the intense pain, Sam felt amazing. It had been awhile since she last rode and the wind in her face, blowing back her hair, felt amazing.

For a few moments they rode in complete silence, nothing but the screaming wind howling in their ears. But soon Sam heard his gravely voice yell above the wind, "You doing okay back there? We're almost home!"

"I'm fine!" Sam yelled back. To be honest, she did feel fine. The pain had temporarily receded and she was riding on the back of a motorcycle holding a guy she found strangely attractive. Though, she realized, she was kind of cold.

"Good! About five more minutes and we'll be there!"

They entered a residential area and the man pulled the motorcycle to a stop in front of a two-story, light gray house. It looked well-kept, but nothing fancy or expensive.

"Home sweet home," he said. "You'll have to ignore that mess, I wasn't really expecting visitors. Sorry." He laughed nervously and helped her off the motorcycle. As soon as she was down, the pain increased tenfold and she crumpled over.

"Ohhhhhh," she moaned. The man quickly grabbed a hold of her and pulled her toward the bushes. She vomited and began to cry. What was happening to her?

The man pulled her close and held her while she cried, though extremely uncomfortable. "Hey, it's okay. They're just bushes…."

"It's not just that….I have no idea what happened to me. I remember…" She chocked on a sob and had to stop a moment. "Can we go inside? I'm not really comfortable…"

"Oh, yes, yes," he said. It seemed he had actually looked at her for the first time. "I'll get you some of my clothes." He used her inside and onto the couch.  
"Just lay here; I'll be back in a minute with one of my t-shirts and some sweatpants. I assume you want to take a shower, but I have no undergarments…"

"Please, I don't care. I just really need to get this…this feeling…." She couldn't really describe it. She felt dirty. Really, really dirty. She needed to be clean. "I need to be clean," she finished lamely.

"Okay, I'll get the hot water started and I'll bring you down some clothes. Be right back." He left the messy room and left her to her thoughts.

Why was she so stupid? She couldn't remember anything from last night and she had completely trusted a stranger to bring her home. Now she was taking a shower and wearing his clothes….why did she trust people so much? She needed to get to a phone…

He quickly returned with the clothes and showed her the bathroom.

"I'll be making dinner; I'm extremely hungry. Anything you prefer?"

"Uh, no thanks. I'll just have what you're having, thanks."

"Okay, holler if you need anything." He left and closed the door behind him.

She already knew that she was scratched up. Why there was so little blood she didn't know, but the massive shock came when she was completely undressed.

Bite marks covered her breasts and she felt sick to her stomach.

She knew what had happened.

She had been raped.

00000-*****-00000

Jacob and the rest of SG-1 sat around General Hammond's office. Jacob had received the news as soon as Jack hung up the phone after talking to General Hammond, and since he had been on the Tok'ra base, he had come straight here.

"My daughter…she's been kidnapped?" Jacob couldn't believe it. Only once had she been taken, but….from her own home? Sam was so strong….

"I'm sorry, Jacob. We've already contacted the authorities and we're sending out SG-1 to search for her as soon as we're done here." General Hammond told the other general. He was tired, and by the look on Jacob's face, so was he.

"Why would someone take her?" Jacob was still in shock. He didn't understand. His beautiful daughter…..

"We don't know, but we intend to find out."

"I'll kill the bastard that did this…" Jacob could barely control his anger now and Jack piped up, "I'll gladly help you."

"I'm sure we all want the man held responsible for what he's done but focusing on that now won't help us. We need to focus on Major Carter." Hammond wanted to kill the man as well, but he knew very well they needed to concentrate on the task at hand: finding Sam.

"But that bastard…" started O'Neill.

Teal'c laid a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Anger will not help now. First, we must find Major Carter. Then we might seek revenge."

"Guys, Teal'c is right. We need to focus. Where was Sam last seen?" Daniel piped up.

"Uhm…she said something about going to a bar?" Jack said. Sam had told him that she was going out and asked if the team wanted to go along, but he declined. The guys had other plans that night.

"Oh, right. Maybe we could start there." Daniel didn't quite know what to do, but he figured it was as good a place to start as any.

"Alright, SG-1, you know what to do. Call me if you find anything out as soon as possible. Dismissed," General Hammond ordered.

"Uh, General? I'd like to join them," Jacob asked. "She is, of course, my daughter after all."

"Of course, Jacob. Good luck, and bring her back soon and safely." General Hammond watched as his top team, minus one, walked out the door followed by and angered, upset father. He didn't know what he'd do if they never found Sam or if they found her….

He didn't know what any one of them would do.

00000-****-00000

Sam scrubbed and scrubbed, but she couldn't get the dirt off of her. The hot water burned her skin and her stomach felt ready to relieve what little contents it had left, but she _had to get clean._

"Hey?" The man, whose name she still didn't know, called up to her. She heard him climbing up the stairs. "Hey, you okay in there?" He knocked on her door. Still, she ignored him. _She had to get clean. _

"If you don't say something, I'm coming in there!" Still, she ignored him. She knew he was worried. He could obviously hear the water running. But…she was still dirty.

"1….2…." He started counting.  
"3!" He kicked the door open and she screamed.

"Hey! Are you okay? I though you drowned!" She began to sob and scrub harder. Why wasn't it coming off?

"Her, you okay….?" He walked over to the shower. "Supper's done and cooled off. I'll leave and you can get dried off. There's a towel in the drawer…"

All of a sudden she couldn't hold it in any longer. Sam exploded from behind the curtain and ran to the toilet. The man turned off the water in the shower and as soon as she was done, the man wet a towel and wiped her face with it. He handed her a towel and left, telling her he'd be back with a glass of water.

She felt so ashamed. So childish. This man…he had taken her into his home, offering food and clothes and he was forced to wipe her own vomit from her face.

She quickly dried and dressed, feeling embarrassed that he saw her naked. Soon, he returned with a glass of water and she drank it slowly, feeling a little better. But still dirty, ashamed, and embarrassed.

"You feeling up to dinner? If not I can put it in the 'fridge and just order a pizza for myself while you rest up. I don't want you doing anything until you're feeling better. I don't know what just happened, but I saw you. Your body." So he had looked. Typical male.

She moved slightly away from him, fear flashing across her face. He saw it.

"No, no…not like that. Your scratches…I'm a musician, but my father was a doctor. I can take a look at them if you want, fix them up before anything gets infected."

She didn't want this strange man touching her, but she understood. She needed to be treated before she did get infected. She was a soldier, damn it! She needed to be strong.

"Yes, that'll be fine. Thank you. And I'm not really feeling up to eating something I'll probably throw up later…I'm sorry."

The man smiled for the first time since they met and Sam found it nice, warm…comforting. "It's okay. I'll help you downstairs to the couch and I'll get my kit."

As soon as they were on the couch and he had his medical kit, he began sterilizing the scratches on her skin. "Oh my goodness…." He gasped. She didn't think she'd ever hear a guy like him utter something like that, but he did.

"What is it?" She knew very well was it was. She wanted to hear him say it.

"These scratches…they we caused by fingernails..." He began probing her stomach with his gloved hand and then looked at her neck. Bite marks.

"These are bite marks…" He looked into her eyes. "You were raped…."

Tears filled Sam's eyes. Before she didn't know for sure…but this was a confirmation. "Yes…" She began to cry for the third time that day, and he pulled her gently close, wondering if it was okay. She pulled him closer, this strange man, and cried into his shoulder.

Twelve hours ago she was with her friends, smiling, laughing….

And now she was in the arms of a stranger, crying, because her life had just been destroyed and she had no memory of it.


	3. Chapter2:Permenant

**Chapter Two: Permanent**

_I know he's living in hell every single day, so I ask: God, is there someway for me to take his place?_

_And when they say he's to touch-and-go, I wish I could make it go away, but still you say,_

"_Will you think that you're all alone when no one's there to hold your hand? When all you know seems so far and everything is temporary, rest your head. I'm permanent."  
~Permanent by David Cook_

She awoke the next morning and a wonderful scent filled her nose. Food. She hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours and her stomach was letting her know.

She groaned and stretched, instantly regretting it when pain cursed through her body. She let out a muffled scream and the strange man from yesterday raced in.

"Hey! Easy there!" He went over and sat next to her. He wore his black hair in a bun on his head, which she still found strange due to the fact this was a male. He wore sweats and no shirt. Though slim, he was muscular. She liked him better this way, all natural with no makeup.

"You okay?" He asked, obviously concerned. She still couldn't believe he trusted her like he did, but maybe it was only because she was female.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam said.

"Then, I don't believe we were properly introduced yesterday." He grinned, once again making Sam's heart flutter. He really did have an amazing smile.

"I'm Everett Moore," his grin grew wider, making Sam's heart beat faster. "And you?"

"I'm…I'm…" Sam didn't know whether or not to tell this man, Everett, her name.

"Oh, com'on! I let you into my house, care for you, and you can't even tell me your name? I'm not some pervert…" He laughed, jokingly. Fear entered Sam's eyes, but left quickly. She hoped he hadn't seen it.

He had.

"Hey, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…" He looked….honestly sorry.

Sam forced a small smile, "It's okay. I'm Samantha Carter, but call me Sam."

"Beautiful name," he said and his grin returned, nearly making Sam faint. Why was she falling for him?

"Thanks," Sam's smile was real this time.

Everett stood up, "Well, breakfast is almost done. I'm sure you're starving. Do you like pancakes and bacon?"

Sam stood up as well, "That sounds amazing."

00000-*****-00000

The search at the bar hadn't gone well. "Too many people," the bartender had said. "Though I'm sure she danced with many people; guys can't resist a smile like that."

After asking to for the names of the people who brought drinks last night, the bartender refused, claiming secrecy was important in his bar. "I have morals. Without a search warrant, I will not give out my customers names. I'm sorry for your missing woman, she's quite the lady and I'd love a piece of her. Send her my way when you find her, huh?" He had chuckled and turned away.

"You son of a…" Jack had almost grabbed the guy and beat him, but Teal'c had held him back. Speaking softly he said, "O'Neill, that is not wise. We will find Major Carter another way."

"Yeah, well…." Jack knew what Teal'c was saying was true but the guy…

"Let's go Jack, we won't get anywhere by just standing here." Jacob had said.

And they had left.

Now they were at a dead-end.

They sat crowded in Daniel's small car, slowly circling Sam's block. They had searched Sam's house, finding nothing, so they had asked the neighbors if they saw or heard anything. Either no one was home, or they were too deaf or blind to see or hear anything. This officially sucked.

"What are we going to do now?" Daniel asked. He didn't know what to do and he was about ready to give up. He wanted to find Sam, honestly he did, but they had tried everything….Maybe they should just wait and see if the person that took her would call for ransom money. For some reason Daniel didn't think there would be a phone call.

"I'm not sure, but we can't just give up." Jacob wanted to find his daughter, but he too was beyond exhaustion. They had tried everything. There had to be something left to do….

"O'Neill, I believe rest would be most helpful. Perhaps we should try again after we have rested," Teal'c said.

"Yeah," Jack sighed and ran a hand through his short, gray hair. "That would probably be good, though I doubt I could sleep much."

"I doubt any of us could, but it never hurts. Maybe we'll even think of something!" Daniel said, always the optimist.

"Or maybe, while we're asleep, Carter is being tortured and is crying out for us. Maybe she'll die in pain, thinking about how we've let her down." Jack retorted. It was a very real possibility none of them wanted to think about. But Jack had just brought it to life.

"Well, we're not much use to her if we're half-asleep either, are we, Jack?" Daniel was angry. He knew the possibility; he knew they couldn't give up. But they wouldn't get anywhere while they were yelling at each other from sleep deprivation.

"Fine, but when we find her dead or some empty shell, it's on your conscience, Daniel," Jack snarled.

Tears filled Daniel's eyes and Jack instantly regretted what he had said. He knew Daniel and Teal'c were right but Sam was out there somewhere…..

"Uh, I'll drive us back to the base," Jacob said, clearly seeing the tension between the teammates. He knew what they were feeling but Selmak helped keep his feelings at bay and comforted him. They didn't have the same luxury.

"That would be best," Teal'c said, keeping in eye on his two friends.

Jacob switched seats with Daniel and he started to drive back to the base, farther away from Sam and closer to finding her dead.

00000-*****-00000

After breakfast, Sam helped Everett clean up and wash the dishes. Compared to the rest of the house, his kitchen was spotless.

He had gotten Sam new clothes and now they sat on his couch.

"I don't have a house phone, but if there was someone you wanted to call…"

Sam flinched. She knew she should call Jack or General Hammond to let them know that she was alive and in safe hands, but she couldn't face them. Not now. Not yet.

But she knew she had to.

"Yeah, actually, there is," Sam replied solemnly. She didn't want to leave him.

Everett stood up, also reluctant in his own mind to give this beautiful woman up. Everyone else seemed scared of him. She was just…he didn't want to think about her. But she wasn't scared of him and she didn't judge him. That meant something.

He searched his leather jacket. "Damn it!" He swore.

Sam turned around. "What is it?"

"My phone is gone!"

"How-how?"

"I don't know! It must've fallen out of my pocket when I…." When he had found her bleeding, almost naked, in the alleyway. "When I was riding around town."

Sam looked unconvinced. She wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm sorry," she decided upon lamely.

Everett sighed. "It's okay, I'll just get a new one. Nothing to fret too much over."

He came over and sat next to her again, "We can go into town later. I could take you home if you felt like it, or somewhere with a friend…" No. She couldn't go back to the place it started. She couldn't. And she couldn't face her friends right now…they'd be disappointed in her. What happened to the strong, fearless Major Samantha Carter they knew?

"No…I can't. Not yet….I'd like to go to town but…I can't go back. Not yet. If you don't want me anymore I can find a hotel but…"

"Hey, no. You can stay here. I just thought maybe you'd be more comfortable with someone you knew well. Well, what about town? Would you come with me? If you want, I can get you some clothes so you don't have to keep wearing mine." Sam felt bad about making him buy clothes for her, but she desperately needed some.

"Sure, but I'm not sure when I can pay you back. I don't have money with me and…" Everett smiled.

"You don't need to pay me anything. It's not like I have to spend money on anyone else anyway."

Sam smiled, "Okay." She still didn't feel comfortable going out in public yet, but she knew she needed clothes. And the first step to recovery: Overcoming your fear.

She could do this. She just had to overcome her fear, like she had with Everett.

And look where it got her.

00000-*****-00000

_A/N: I don't enjoy author's notes in the middle of the story like this, but I thought I should tell you guys that updates will be slow the next few weeks due to family. This chapter was going to be longer, but I had to leave and wanted to leave you guys with something while I was going. There might be updates in between, I'll try my hardest, I promise. _


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